Mentor Sentences

Our class just finished reading Call it Courage. I was intrigued by the beautiful language and complex sentence structure of the book. The author, Armstrong Sperry, often uses opposite phrases.

“There were six black canoes, paddles flashing, now gaining, now losing.”

“Moonlight shone on half a hundred wet paddles as they dipped and rose to the rhythm of the chant.”

He also uses repetition. ex: “homeward, homeward…” “Closer, closer the canoes advanced.”

And sometimes both techniques together: “Only the sea and the sky, the sea and the sky.”

Then I was reminded of the rhythmic language of Hoops by Walter Dean Myers.

I decided to pick some event in my day that had a dualistic  or repetitive aspect. I just went back to playing soccer last night. I play on an indoor team with a great group of women. We have good seasons, so so seasons and awful seasons. This is an awful season. Last night we lost, again.

 The Dance on the Field

The back and forth rhythm

of the ball,





b  O u N c I n G

F  L   Y  I  N   G

through the air- two players attack it,

Looking to posses it,

to own it.

The crash of knees, shinguards, cleats,

Possession by the home team

a chance to score

Feet skittering in a cat-like





quick movements ready to pounce,

Eyes watching, mouths shouting, hands clapping

“I’m open”

“Linea, linea”


A glance, a pass….

too far

A run down field to…

a sea of opposing players

Possession lost

Players retreating towards the goal

hunkering down to defend






rolling, touching cleats

Player and ball dancing down field

towards the goal

defenders standing their ground

focusing not on the feet

focusing only on the ball

the forward winding up and




Players in motion

Blurs of light and sound

Moving to the rhythm of the game.




  1. I love your poem. Nice job☺️😊

  2. I liked how you said a sea of opposing players.
    -Miguel 😀

  3. I like how you said moving to the rhythm of the game

  4. Why is bouncing and flying capitalized.

  5. I like how you made the word bouncing Look like it was bouncing.

  6. I liked the description you put into the poem. 🙂

  7. nickoprather88beep

    March 20, 2014 at 10:24 am

    Very descriptive I love the sports theme and one line in peticular “feet skittering cat-like”

  8. With the balls, what game were you playing?

  9. Some golden lines I found in this piece were,

    “a sea of opposing players”
    “player and ball dancing down field”
    “Moving to the rhythm of the game”

  10. I liked when you wrote BoUnCiNg I could see the ball bouncing.

  11. My golden line was moving to the rhythmic the game

  12. I really how you use personification and imagery sentences.

  13. My ‘golden line’ was when you said
    “Moving to the rhythm of the game. You made it sound like a song, not a soccer game. 👏👏👏👏👏👏

  14. Protect I like that line because it looks serious.

  15. I liked the up down zigzag of the ball. It was cool and descriptive.

  16. My golden line were

    “a sea of opposing players”
    “Moving to the rhythm of the game”

  17. I like all the creative lines like the ball dancing down the field

  18. I like how you added Spanish words in the poem.

  19. jaydenyoung6767

    March 20, 2014 at 10:29 am

    I love how you made it to where bouncing looks like it’s bouncing

  20. delaneyisadowns2

    March 20, 2014 at 10:29 am

    I really liked the personification quote- “player and ball dancing down the field”.

  21. I liked how you put words in Spanish “cruza” “linea linea” it gave the poem a little more spice to your poem.

  22. I meant to add a quote after “game.

  23. I like how you added “Blurs of light and sound” because it showed good imagery to me.

  24. My favorite line was ” a sea of opposing players” because it was really descriptive.

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